Welcome to Joy Lab!: Welcome to the Joy Lab podcast, where we help you uncover and foster your most joyful self. Your hosts, Dr. Henry Emmons and Dr. Aimee Prasek, bring you the ideal mix of soulful and scientifically sound tools to spark your joy, even when it feels dark. When you're ready to experiment with more joy, combine this podcast with the full Joy Lab program over at JoyLab.coach
Henry: Hello, I'm Henry Emmons, and welcome to Joy Lab.
Aimee (2): And I'm Aimee Prasek. So here at Joy Lab, we infuse science with soul to help you build your resilience and uncover your joy. So, perhaps no surprise, we are talking about resolutions today. But I think we're going to take a fresh perspective on it. Uh, the start of the new year, of course, is often seen as an opportunity for a fresh start, a chance to make positive changes in our lives, and I love that. It's got inspiration kind of baked in, which is our element as well for January, inspiration.
Um, and that energy, that inspiration can be good in itself, really. So there's a meta analysis from Koestner and colleagues, and they found that goal progress was associated with improved affect over time. So that really says something about how we can simply set more goals, even tiny ones, and then achieving them or making progress toward them, that process itself, is good for our mood. But even in light of that evidence, I still have a love hate relationship with resolutions, quite honestly. I think I've soured on them in some ways, because even though the process of goal setting and small successes can be great, and it's part of my research, those types of behavior changes, the data on resolutions and goal success is not so great, right? I have personal experience there. But it's actually not that different from any of the behavior change research that's out there. Goals are hard to achieve at times.
Henry: Yeah, I know, I've got some issues with it too, Aimee. And somehow, I'm a little put off just by the word resolutions.
Aimee (2): Yeah.
Henry: It just sounds like it takes a lot of discipline and so much determination, and not that there's anything wrong with those things, you know, but when I was younger, I used to be so disciplined. And so intent on fixing myself that I did not need to wait for the new year to motivate me. I wasn't happy, very happy either by the way, but I was coming up with goals and plans to improve myself all the time. And it was just a lot of work and not very much fun. And these days if, if I don't get some some sort of enjoyment from something, I probably am not going to stick with it.
And, you know, maybe enjoyment or fun aren't quite the right word, but it's gotta be, it's gotta feel satisfying to me somehow. I need to have some positive feelings from doing it, and not in the far off future, but right now. Plus I'm not so driven anymore by the need to fix myself, because as you know, Aimee, I am perfect as I am, even though I could use a little improvement.
Aimee (2): is one of my favorite sayings, yes. Also, I appreciate you noting fun as kind of an important factor in behavior change. I think fun's a great word. It's one of our elements of joy and it's true. It's important. And you also just described as well, Henry, some obstacles and strategies that we can use to approach resolutions a little differently and with more success.
So that's what we're going to do in this episode. First, I think one interesting thing to note about New Year's resolutions is that they are sort of the epitome of what are called temporal milestones for goal setting. And that feeds into what researchers Dai, Milkman, uh, and Riis coined this term, it's called the fresh start effect.
So Google will give us all the explanations and evidence we need here in that fresh start research that I just noted, they found that Google searches for goals to change behaviors, generally related to like eating behaviors or eating better and exercising more, those Google searches increase on Mondays, the first of a month, January 1st, the start of a new semester, and birthdays, that's when they really surge. I agree with that birthday one too. So those are the fresh starts or temporal milestones that we're talking about here. And they propose one reason for this that I want to call out.
They propose that these milestones create two accounting periods. As they termed. So one is this past self, and then the temporal milestone sort of launches this new self. So that second accounting period. And the researchers noted that this can create some psychological distance between our current self and then the one who was still engaged in the behavior that we're wanting to change, that past self.
So, for an example, if you're, you know, trying to cut down on your drinking or something, dry January, that December you, who was having two or three drinks a night, that was the old you, way back there in December. And this new year, this new you, on January 1st is kind of over it. It's the new you, it's now.
And there's really this mental page turn that happens, a new accounting period, as they said. Uh, it sounds kind of funny, but I think it's so true. And I think it can be both a motivator and a curse. So, for one, that psychological distance that we create without those two accounting periods and this temporal milestone, that past and current self, allows us to kind of officially step into that new self and behave in that new way.
We kind of act as if. We have that fresh start energy, which can be really good. It's like, it's a big spark to get us moving. And at the same time, it can wear off fast. And then you can fall into sort of those old habits or that old you that you've kind of rejected in that old accounting period. So I think there's something here for us to really consider, you know, how can we use that fresh start energy and at the same time not reject who we were on December 31st or whatever that previous period was?
How can we set those goals and move toward them with more self compassion and self acceptance? For our past and current selves. So, we've got some tools for that in this episode, and many more tools to come in following episodes. Sort of related here, or maybe a tangent, I just think of the Douglas Adams quote, I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by. And that's how resolutions and I interact. Sort of like this. I love resolutions. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
So, if we don't have some self compassion and self acceptance, when they do in fact whoosh by, or when we trip up, then we'll just kind of get run over is my thought.
Henry: I love that quote, Aimee, I'm going to use it.
Aimee (2): It's a good one.
Henry: It's a good one. I also really like the name of that research, The Fresh Start Effect.
What a great title for a piece of research. It feels so much better to me than even New Year's resolutions. I mean, what's not to like about a fresh start? It doesn't say that anything is wrong.
Freshness is just, it just feels better than routine, which, you know, can get kind of stagnant no matter how good it is.
I find it helpful to think of my life in stages or maybe seasons, which I just find to be a helpful metaphor for me. Inspiration is just such an important thing to me that I'm really happy to use these kind of made up milestones in order to get it.
So when I break my life down into segments, whether it's a week, a year, a decade, or even longer, I see that it is having its own arc, its own flow, and it makes me feel like there's this constant pattern of renewal, which I just find really important.
Aimee (2): I love your language there. Actually, it's addressing what I just kind of noted instead of maybe thinking of accounting periods, which just seemed really boring to me. And
Henry: Accounting, yeah.
Aimee (2): yeah, seasons because, you know, they roll, they roll with each other and they're dependent on each other. So there's that acceptance and you noted to Henry, you're moving into something, not because something's wrong or that something was broken before, but there's a change happening.
So that's really helpful. I'm going to put that my pocket. And actually that distinction is, something that we can take to help boost our success, really.
So let's get into that.
There are two really important aspects we want to highlight when setting resolutions so that we're more likely to achieve them. And those two aspects come from a resolution related study from Oscarsson, Carlbring, Andersson, and Rozental. And I want to describe the study a bit because I think it's really helpful understanding goals and goal setting.
So hang with me here. This was actually a pretty big study conducted in Sweden with 1,066 participants. And these folks signed up for an online resolution study. And then the researchers split the participants into three groups. So group one received some general info about resolutions. And then those participants reported their resolutions, and then they reported their belief in their chances of actually achieving them.
And then there were three follow ups with this group. One on January 31st, another in June, and another in December of that year. And then they reported how they were doing, their progress on their resolutions. Now the second group was given the same info as the first, plus some online information on how social support can boost the likelihood of achieving goals.
And then they had some information on addressing obstacles. And then they reported their progress monthly, so there were 12 follow ups. Now the third group received what was called extended support. So they had the same experience as group two, but were provided even more information on addressing obstacles, and then some more information on how to set goals.
And then they had to set some interim goals as well. So when folks in this group set their goals, their goals actually went through quite a bit of a filtering process. So, after 12 months, the researchers looked at which factors were associated with success of their resolutions.
And they found some very common factors like self efficacy, having necessary skills, and readiness for change. Those are consistent with all behavior change research, so no surprise. But it was actually, the fact that group two was the most successful. And there's some information, some factors there that relate to what fueled some of that success. The first was having approach-oriented goals versus avoidance-oriented goals. And then the second was that they received some guidance, but not too much. So let's talk more about these. Henry, do you want to talk about approach-oriented goals and then how they can be helpful?
Henry: Sure, let me try to, let me try to do this in the context of the brain, neuroscience, thinking about the prefrontal cortex. So just bear with me for a moment. The prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain right behind your forehead. So if you just tap on your forehead, you know, right and left side, it's just right in back of that.
And it's sitting front and center, almost like it's in the driver's seat of your brain, which is a good metaphor because it is kind of true. It acts like the chief executive of the brain and it's connecting everywhere in order to manage our most human features. Thinking, feeling, acting. And the prefrontal cortex helps us plan for the future and make decisions about what to do toward the future.
Now one of these important decisions is what you were just talking about, Aimee, whether to approach or avoid. To move toward something or maybe run away from it. And this is where it's important that the brain is divided into left and right sides because they have very different functions. The left prefrontal cortex, when it is more active, it turns down the volume of our negative emotions.
And so we feel more positive, more open, and, and just more likely to approach something and even get pleasure from it. Now, the right prefrontal cortex does just the opposite. When it is more active, our negative emotions get cranked up, and we feel bad, and we want to avoid things rather than approach them. Now, I think it's important that we have both of these functions in our brain, and that means that they are both important.
We would not have evolved to have them both if they weren't both necessary. And I think if we're about to do something risky or something that feels wrong to us, we want to feel bad. It is important information. But in terms of getting us motivated for positive change, which of these do you think works better?
Feeling bad and avoiding things, or feeling good and approaching them? And there is a hands down winner, which you know is feeling good and approaching. Trying to fix something that we think is wrong with us, just generates more of those negative feelings. I know this from my own experience. That might be strong enough to get us going, but it is not good for keeping us going.
We are much more likely to stay with something that we really want. to do because it makes us feel good. So, Aimee, I think that upper middle aged Henry may have evolved just a little bit from the younger, driven version of myself.
Aimee (2): I think both were perfect as they were and are and could have used a little improvement. Um, yeah, and it's so obvious when you say it out loud. You know, yeah, we want, we want to feel good about what we're doing and our goals, but, um, this is, that's not how goals are delivered to us through marketing and, um, it is very shame based, guilt based, um, fault based. So this is intuitive. We know this is true, but it's also, um, not what we're faced with a lot when we are encouraged to set goals or when we get messaging about goals. And I like as well, what we're talking about right now, that kindness is really at the heart of our evolution. You know how we treat others and ourselves. There's this story about the great thinker, minister, activist, A. J. Muste, that kind of aligns here, I think. So Muste, apparently for years, stood out in front of the White House, night after night, holding a candle.
Often alone, as a way of, at least what was thought, um, as a protest of the Vietnam War. And one night, as it was raining, a reporter approached him and asked, "Do you really think you'll change the policies of this country by standing out here all alone in the rain at night with one candle?" And he replied,
"Oh, I don't do this to change the country, I do this so the country won't change me." I just find that so inspiring in ways that made me think of behavior change. Um, I know maybe that seems like a leap, but really are the goals I'm setting or that we're setting, are they nourishing for me? Are they nourishing for you? Are they in line with your own unique needs and growth?
And if yes is truly the answer, I think there'll be good for the world as well. Or are those goals. Just focused on external factors like changing how others perceive us. This actually relates to a study we've been talking about this idea that some guidance, but not too much was most successful for, achieving resolution.
So that was that second group. Like I said, that actually had the best outcomes. Participants in that third group had a lot of information on how to set their goals. They used the SMART framework, that's the Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timeframe Goals Setting Framework that gets a lot of attention. And so they kind of, you know, they had a goal and it kept getting filtered and filtered through this framework. And I know that SMART goals get a lot of attention and we're told that they're more effective. I'm actually not totally convinced. And I think this research highlights some of those shortcomings.
I think when we lean on frameworks like this too extensively, we can lose our inspiration in a lot of ways. We can kind of outsource our goals and then we discount our wisdom. We, and actually, I think they usually become avoidant goals if we sort of lean too heavily on these oftentimes or these popular frameworks.
So, you know, maybe If we're inspired to create some goals, maybe they're not so measurable or specific as the frameworks would want them to be, because we might let go of some of the usual numbers or checkboxes or biometrics to determine if we've succeeded or not. Um, the goal might be a little bit more abstract, like taking a daily walk.
That's it. And I think of A. J. Muste heading out there, for five minutes, maybe some nights, he'd light that candle. Maybe he'd be out there for an hour on others. Maybe there was a snowstorm some nights, so he stood in his living room, perhaps. Maybe his friend was sick and he didn't light a candle that day, but he comforted his friend.
And then, instead of overly rigid metrics that can sort of miss the big picture, we can measure our progress by more of how we're feeling, sort of checking in daily with ourselves. All of this might seem kind of, um, lazy or even self indulgent, kind of a lazy approach to goals, perhaps, but really, I think this, that's sort of the mechanistic, overly objective, more is better myth that goal setting gets sucked into.
I don't think it's effective, but it is packageable and marketable for companies, but it's rarely effective. Uh, and I think the evidence is clear that we shouldn't limit our opportunities for success and for iteration of our goals based on whether or not we meet those overly rigid metrics.
Henry: Well, and then, why not lower the bar of success a little bit, instead of having to be a hundred, you know, a hundred percent. At NMH, Natural Mental Health, we like to highlight the 51 percent rule. And that's the idea that if you're just choosing to do the more nourishing things more often than not, you are heading in the right direction.
So, that also lets us acknowledge our small victories along the way. You know, 51 percent success is a victory. And then our metrics of success come along more quickly, making us even more motivated, building that upward spiral that we love here at Joy Lab. And when these little good things create a bigger energy, that promotes even more of the little and even the big good things in our lives and in those around us, and that becomes viral.
Aimee (2): Yeah, I think it's sneaky. That seems like the long game, but I think it's, it generates momentum pretty quickly. So I do want to close us, with a bit of a blessing. We'll get into more resolutions in our next episode and some strategies there. Um, but this blessing comes from John O'Donohue.
It's called A Blessing for Courage. It comes from his book To Bless the Space Between Us. I'll put the full text in the show notes. I just want to read a few of my favorite lines. It kind of, to me, honors this fresh start effect, um, our desires to create change in our lives for good reason, so we can continue to grow, uh, and to embrace all of who we are.
Even the stuff that hurts, that might feel dark, but also that light, that goodness. And at the same time, with that self acceptance, we can let that good continue to nourish us and help us grow. So here it is.
" Invoke the learning of every suffering you have suffered. Close your eyes, gather all the kindling about your heart to create one spark. That is all you need to nourish the flame that will cleanse the dark of its weight of festered fear. A new confidence will come alive to urge you toward higher ground.
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