Welcome to Joy Lab!: Welcome to the Joy Lab podcast, where we help you uncover and foster your most joyful self. Your hosts, Dr. Henry Emmons and Dr. Aimee Prasek, bring you the ideal mix of soulful and scientifically sound tools to spark your joy, even when it feels dark. When you're ready to experiment with more joy, combine this podcast with the full Joy Lab program over at JoyLab.coach
Aimee: We're live.
Henry: Hi, everybody,
Aimee: Hi, everyone.
Henry: and welcome.
Aimee: Yes, welcome. Um, so yeah, we're talking about resilience today. This is our first resilient community chat. Henry, you want to get us started?
Henry: Sure, I want to start by giving you my brief definition of resilience. And I think that most of you already know this intuitively. So I think of resilience as the ability to face whatever we have in front of us and to do so with some degree of equanimity. and skill, some degree. Don't have to be perfect.
And if we do lose our balance, or we get knocked off or if we just get so stressed that our skills kind of take a little sabbatical, then we are still able to get back up, kind of pull ourselves up and face whatever it is that comes to us next that we have to face. So today, we wanted to dive into a key aspect of resilience. One of the things I learned from leading the resilience training groups for years and working with people who either had long term problems with depression or anxiety and trying to really change the course of that condition. Now, there are tons of things that can help, and we included, you know, so many of those in the resilience training, and it's really what Natural Mental Health and Joy Lab are built on.
Things like sleep and exercise and natural therapies. But there were two things that I just felt over and over really made the difference between those folks who, who got better and then the other group that I felt really changed the trajectory of the illness for the long term. Really kind of broke free of that, that grip of depression.
So, here are the two things: one is self acceptance and the other is connection. So these two factors are really anchors for our Resilient Community. And they are the two things that we will focus on the most. So we will have our resilience training course up and running soon. And we have Joy Lab and the Sleeping Well Workshop and all of these other really, I think, helpful tools to build up those skills and cultivate an inner state that really helps you to stay more balanced and not let stress get the better of you.
So, these two factors, self acceptance and connection, really kind of walk along each and every one of the other things that we're, we're trying to help folks with. I have come to see that these two things, self acceptance and connection, are actually kind of part and parcel of the same thing. Self acceptance is having an authentic relationship with yourself.
In other words, it's just another aspect of creating deep connections. This one just happens to be with yourself. And I think this is what really turns resilience into a superpower. Because it takes it out of a pure focus on ourselves, our smaller selves, which we do need to focus on. And, you know, we do need to do all that good self care.
We believe in it, but this is what multiplies that power many times over. So, Aimee, do you want to share a little bit more about these two crucial factors?
Aimee: Yes, actually, you know, I want to stay on brand and actually talk about obstacles as I usually do. Um, you should see folks when we're trying to, you know, think about what our podcasts are going to get into. Henry's got these, like, lovely ideas. And then I'm like, you know what's really pissing me off lately?
Well,
Henry: It's not quite like that, but, uh, but I will give you the, you are on brand,
Aimee: Yeah, I like to, I like to talk about obstacles. So, and there's one that we, I don't think we've really talked about in the podcast actually, so I want to say more about the negativity bias, but something specific in there. Um, but because I think it's important to call out when we're talking about, I guess maybe more self acceptance at times, it can get a bad rap as being kind of like, Oh, you know, just, you're lounging in a chair not doing anything.
It's, it's very much different and we've done a lot of podcast episodes on that. We'll talk about it more in our community, the power of it. But within this negativity bias that I want to hit on, there's something referred to as the positive negative asymmetry effect. And this is our tendency to process bad information more completely than good information.
And you think about it... And it's pretty obvious. Yeah, that is true, right?!
Here's an example. Imagine having a quarterly review at work and a supervisor brings up what you would consider as negative feedback. Just one little thing about negative feedback, right? The rest of the feedback was all positive.
Which feedback lingers in your brain? Most often, it's that, that, that good feedback sort of disappears into the ethers and then we take that one negative piece of information and we like really get to work on it. We sit with it, we analyze it, we try to resolve it, we explain it, we create self judgments about it, other judgments.
And it's, so this automatic sort of unconscious over-processing. can make self acceptance difficult. Um, and it also makes behavior change difficult. If we don't bring some awareness to this process, we often get locked into this tendency to just, uh, you know, avoid more criticism rather than pursue a positive change.
So, with the practices, like our experiments in the Joy Lab program, And what we'll do more of in, in our community, we can really help ourselves to come out of these over processing loops, uh, so that we can create new paths where we can see the good stuff. And then to, here's the key, actively process that good stuff so that, that asymmetry can start to sort of balance out a little bit.
We can bring the scales back a little bit more even. And our element of savoring for the podcast and for Joy Lab, that is like key here, how we can really soak in the good stuff. I just always think of this great quote from Carl Rogers, what he calls the curious paradox.
He says, when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change. I love that. So, I think it's time for a practice. Henry, would you like to lead us in a practice?
Henry: Sure. So we are going to work on removing the obstacles to self acceptance, you know, the thoughts and the beliefs, i. e. our judgments about ourselves. So, before we move into the practice though, I want to try to describe something that I think is going on as we practice this. And that is that it becomes what you could consider a meta practice.
So, by that, I mean that we are working on self acceptance simultaneously in at least two different ways. So, we're going to be doing it more or less directly, and I'm going to try to give you guidance to how to see what is, how to accept what is, and how to let go of the negative stuff just as best as you can.
So, that's kind of the direct to this. But the second layer is what's happening in real time as we're doing the practice. You might find, for example, that you start to judge yourself for not doing this practice right. Or for having so many self judgments. You think, how can I ever let all this stuff go. Or maybe you just are feeling tired or distractible and you're not able to really focus on the meditation.
So, you know, this is the stuff we might not think that this is what we're working on, but it's exactly how you can use a practice like this to notice what's going on and use it as a really powerful way of practicing in the moment, how to let go of a judgment that you have just created for yourself. So hopefully that's not too confusing, and if it is, I'll try to add a little guidance about that as we go.
So let's go ahead and get started. So, wherever you are, if you're feeling ready for this and up for it, just settle in as comfortably as you can. And whether you're sitting or standing or laying down, just try to really hold yourself in both a comfortable way and what you might consider a dignified way.
So you're kind of holding yourself upright, not rigid and stiff, but in a solid upright way. I'm just going to allow us to settle our minds for a few moments. So you might first just tune in to your body and notice how you are holding yourself. See if there's anything you want to do to move, to make yourself more comfortable. And then really try to tune in to this sensation of being held from below, of being supported. of being grounded or even rooted into the earth. And then allow your awareness to just really focus on your breathing. Just breathing in and breathing out at a comfortable, normal pace. You don't need to change a thing about it. Just notice it. And see if you can allow that experience of each breath to bring you just a little deeper into this moment. You might even notice that as you hold your attention on your breathing, the thinking part of your mind has a tendency to settle down. Just to kind of fade into the background. That's all that we need to do. And then, with whatever degree of presence you have at this moment, any degree is fine. Just shift your focus ever so slightly from the breathing to the heart center. This area right in the middle of your chest.
I want to invite you to allow this heart center to be open and still. As much as you can. I find that it helps sometimes to briefly remember some experience you've had recently when you just naturally were opened up or spontaneously felt grateful or touched by something, moved, emotionally moved by something. So let yourself kind of replay that tape in your mind of a recent experience or encounter or story. Anything that you remember that opened you up. Okay, and so you might notice a slight shift there. You might notice a sense of warmth or maybe a greater sense of movement or expansion. Whatever you're feeling is just fine. We can work with it. Just encourage you to notice what is. So, even with that, there is this subtle invitation to accept ourselves as we are. To accept that in this very moment this is the best I can do with opening myself up. See if you can really be okay with that. And then let your attention broaden to your whole body. And you might just become aware of any pain or discomfort that you're feeling. Maybe you're feeling it right now or maybe it's something that's been a concern for you. Some way in which your body maybe isn't working quite right or an illness that's got a hold of you in some way or other. So, simply turn your attention to it. There's no need to change it right now. There's no need to push it away or to deny it. You can invite it in. It won't make things any worse if you do that, and it might even allow you to just relax around it. To hold it in such a way that it might still be there, but take up less of your mental or emotional space. And then you can just allow your awareness for that to dissipate and let yourself kind of briefly scan through your mind and heart to see if there's any emotional pain that you're carrying right now. Any sense of heaviness or fear or shame or regret or any of those things that tend to burden us and make things harder. It's okay to have them. It is how we are wired. Right now, I just want to almost invite them in. Invite them to be part of our experience. In a way that they don't take over, but they're just there. So breathing in, you can just notice it. What am I feeling right now? Breathing out, you might just say, Can I just be with it? At least for this moment. Noticing, touching it lightly, not grasping, but just lightly touching it. And then just see yourself releasing that emotion, too. Releasing the grip it has on you or the grip that you have on it. Just letting it go. And then release awareness of your emotions for a moment and turn your awareness toward the deeper part of your mind. The part that maybe has been holding on to certain stories or beliefs about you. About your life. Maybe about things you've done wrong or things that are wrong with you. These long held judgments that we all have. See if you can allow one or two of those just to rise into your awareness right now. Not that we want to magnify them. We just want to see what's there. And maybe acknowledge that it still has a grip on me, at least a little bit. And see if you can, in this moment, just invite yourself to release the hold that it has. You might even question this, at least at some level, is it really true? This belief I've had, this story I've told, is it really true? Just holding this possibility that maybe it's not. Maybe I am a much more okay person than I thought I was. just letting awareness of all of these things go right now and bringing yourself back to your body. Maybe trying to hold a sense of appreciation for your body. A sense of gratitude even. And also a sense of gratitude just for being here right now and being able to work with this kind of thing in this kind of way. Take a couple of deep breaths and really try to feel a sense of release as you breathe out. And then when you're ready just let your eyes open. Let yourself come back to the space that you're in. Come back to this shared experience that we're having. And we're going to close rather quickly because we do want to honor your time. So I just want to say thank you so much for being here. Thank you for supporting this work that we do. believe in so much and that we love to do. And let me just close with one of my favorite quotes. This is a Rumi quote. You'll see the connection with our topic. " Half of any person is wrong and weak and off the beaten path. Half. The other half is dancing and laughing and swimming in the invisible joy." So let's try to align ourselves with that second half as much as we can.
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